AMBIGUOUS LUMP

Setiap nikmat yang diturunkan Allah swt pasti disertai ujian xkira besar atau kecil. Ujian itu tanda sayangnya Allah swt pada makhluk-Nya. Jika hidup penuh dengan nikmat memanjang, manusia senang alpa pada sang Pencipta yang Maha Esa. Sungguh, terasa berat di bahu dugaan sebegini, tapi bile mengenangkan orang yang lebih besar ujian dan lebih malang hidupnya, terasa amat bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi yang Maha Besar lagi Berkuasa sekurang2nya ujian yang ku terima cumalah kecil, cukup untuk membuatkan diri ini sentiasa teringatkan-Nya dan sentiasa teringin mendekati-Nya, di mana lagi tempat mengadu yang setia Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengasihani kalau bukan Allah Azzawajalla..

Dulu mase Afeef about Amalia's age, pun ade lump tapi at armpit i.e. the common place for lumps to occur, where the lymph nodes are. Doc suspected it was due to the TB virus from the BCG jab. Though it didn't reduced in size after antibiotic treatment, it did not get any larger therefore the doc advised to us to leave it there as it will get smaller relative to the growth of the body. The lump remain there under his arm until he was 1 year and a half, suddenly it gets bigger and the size was prominently big and immediately developed into a bisul and burst, and now the lump is gone.

When Amalia's BCG dah start bernanah at 1mths old, I started to check her armpit everyday, paranoid that the lump problem will happen to her too. Everyday time mandi, mesti raba her left armpit, where the BCG is. Syukur Alhamdulillah it was never there. At the age of 3 months tibe2 I discovered a small lump on her shoulder near her armpit. I was not worried at first coz I thought it was just like her Along's. But when all docs that I met said that it was uncommon to have a lump there I was soo upset. Even more upsetting when the ultrasound scan confirmed that it was neither lymphnode nor a cyst. It was a solid therefore they're worried if it is actually the "Big T". Therefore ambiguity. The 1st time it was discovered, it can't be seen by naked eye. Only can be felt by touching it. Later xpegang pun dh bole nampak but only when xpakai baju, and as of yesterday, over her shirt pn dah bole nampak the lump.. :((

And due to ambiguity, besides the lump does get bigger day by day, she was referred to a Paediatric Surgeon in Tawakkal Hospital. So we went to see the Paediatric Surgeon last Tuesday. Berat hati Mama and Babah nak decide, coz hanya Allah Maha Mengetahui what's the best for our precious daughter. After much contemplation, discussion, berdoa banyak2 pada Allah yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Mengasihani agar memberi petunjuk ape yang terbaik untuk our Amalia, finally we decided on putting her in a surgery to remove the lump.

The lump is shown in the white box near her armpit

The surgery is scheduled tomorrow, Friday the 4th at 10am. Doctor asked to puasakan Amalia 4hours prior surgery. Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hati hamba-Mu yang lemah ini, sembuhkanlah anak kami segera, semoga surgery esok berjalan lancar dan selamat tanpa sebarang complication, semoga lump itu tidak membahayakan anak kami Amalia Ahza, kuatkanlah anak kami Amalia Ahza, semoga badannya yang kecil itu kuat menerima bius yang bakal diberikan dan semoga badan yang kecil itu kuat melawan sakit..amin ya rabbal alamin.. :(( :((

 Amalia sayang, be strong my dearest..Mama sentiasa doakan kesejahteraan anak Mama..