REZEKI

When we talk about REZEKI it always means the source of money to some of us, including me. And by money, rezeki therefore means career, well, at least to me.

I've been working in the same company since I 1st graduated, that makes it nearly 5 stagnant years. I think for some concrete reasons, finally it's time for me to move on. 1stly, I'm feeling bored already, not because of doing the same thing for 5 years, not. My company is a small consultant, therefore you get surprise tasks all the time, Aishah, I want you to do analysis on structural design..Aishah, you are now the project engineer of this job, so start monitoring the progress of all discipline from now..Aishah, I want you to procure some steels and timber for this project, please do the MTO 1st and start sending Purchase Order...Aishah, there's a problem with the Fresh Water System in this project, please study and find out the problem...Aishah, we're now eyeing for Wellhead Platforms, please do some study as I want you to become the Process Engineer for these projects..it's always a new thing, new experience, every day.

You see? My CV is kinda colourful, with too many experiences in too various specialization, I can become a Process Engineer, a Safety Engineer, a Project Engineer, a Structural Engineer and etc etc. I always complained as I always wanted a focus and more specialized job so I can be an expert in that 1 particular field. But Abang always assured me that this will be good for my CV, CV you cantik as he always said. But sejak mengandung kan Amalia, I think my patience has reached the limit, enough already of doing things without guidance (we have no senior engineers at the office, so you are on your own all the time), enough of being a Multitask Engineer aka an ES (Engineer Sampah) as we always joked at the office.

Furthermore, for the 1st time in my 5 years working there, our pay due for 2 months, 2 CONSECUTIVE MONTHS! It's like a sign to me, for my whole 2 months confinement period, we didn't get our salary! Nasib baik tgh dlm pantang, so I feel nothing but relax, no need in paying parkings n lunches except for online shopping hehehe! So I've started sending out CV (in jobstreet mostly) after 1month confinement i.e. luka dh baik skit and dh bole duduk on chair lama in front of laptop. To my disappointment, almost every job I applied on jobstreet get viewed by the employer for more than once, 1 job even viewed my CV for 10 times! But at last, the status was unsuccessful, I get a lot of under considerations and kept for reference too but later the status changed to unsuccessful. More colleagues of mine are resigning while I'm in my confinement period and get a better offer at multinational companies while my effort remain fruitless. It was a totally devastating experience for me. I felt useless and demoralized at a point.

Then one day, I burst into tears, confiding to my dearest hubby, why orang lain murah rezeki, senang sangat dpt keje, there's even 1 newbie at my office who got a job that I applied too and he always seek for my advice at the office in doing analysis but he got the job while I was not even called for an interview. I started to think that I'm cursed and maybe hidup I x diberkati Allah and start to find what's wrong about me that make me an unlucky person.

As expected, as always, Abang just laughed while my tears are streaming down my cheeks. Abang said, Tak baik cakap macam tu, you ni x bersyukur. You ingat rezeki tu datang in 1 form je ke? Rezeki x semestinya your career only. Bersyukurla at least you already have a good job, bayangkan org lain yang xde keje langsung..tengok org yg lebih malang, org yg minta sedekah...jgn kita tgk org yg lebih bernasib baik...

And as usual, I always have points to refute back, Ala what's d point of having a good job if you didn't even got paid for it for 2 months? (I think i shud become a lawyer instead..maybe i've chose d wrong path anyway)

However deep in my heart, I start to think rationally, betul la..I memang x bersyukur, rezeki Allah beri pada makhlukNya comes in various forms, Allah Maha Kaya..memang I susah apply keje, tapi I terlupe sekejap pada nikmat dan rezeki yang tak terhingga yang dikurniakan padaku, sebuah keluarga yang bahagia and sepasang cahayamata yang comel sihat dan sempurna yang melengkapi hidup kami suami isteri..cukup hebat rezeki yang dikurniakan, cukup membahagiakan..tp sebab kecil macam ni, aku terlupa akan nikmat yang telah dikurniakanNya..mungkin ni ujian for me, untuk menguji sejauh mana kesyukuran I pada Allah swt, sejauh mana I tabah dan sabar..ya Allah berdosanya aku kerana tidak bersyukur dgn rezeki yang kau kurniakan, astaghfirullahaladziim...ya Allah ya Tuhanku, ampunkanlah dosa hambaMu ini dan jauhilah aku dan keluargaku dari sifat kufur..amin ya rabbal 'alamin..

I will never trade my beautiful family with anything in this world..